turning unreasonable anxiety into unlikely ideas

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Cape Disappointment

How to move Cape Disappointment

As an introvert, the last thing I like to do is express myself. I spend time finding ways to avoid stating things as they are. Eventually, they come out sugarcoated or sarcastic. My expressions end up indirect, far from the point and thus confusing to others.

So, after a day of introspection, I decided to write a post about myself. I opened a new document, typed ‘Dissappointing’ and instantly, the spell-check was disappointed. Apart from spell-checkers and compilers, I have been disappointing people from a long time. So, here’s a guided tour of [my] Cape Disappointment.

No Fear

Fear and Learning

Learning and teaching are difficult. When someone tries to teach, they expect results. To ensure results are acceptable, exams are taken. To force desired results, fear is alarmingly popular.

Driving

I get anxious in crowded places. For me it is a nightmare to drive on a road with bumper to bumper traffic with people looking for a chance to cross. Sadly, where I live, this is what the roads look like most part of the day. So I took driving classes. The instructor, a young guy, realized that I learn quick but failed to accept that I can have trouble driving.

But when I am anxious, I don’t act proper. When the traffic is heavy, I get concerned about everything around me. Sometimes, I’d stop to wait for a car to pass. The instructor wanted me to concentrate on driving. I’d skip changing gears or switch to the wrong one.

It appeared as if I was ignoring what he said. This irritated him. After all, he had taught me everything and I had demonstrated that. He could not fix my distractions. In turn, he triggered my anxiety by shouting. He told me that I must not make mistakes because it bother “him”. Well, I couldn’t care less, but I tried. His attempts to treat me like a school kid made me smile.

School teachers

The instructor acted similar to teachers who go from motivational to insulting without affecting a change. They get frustrated despite good intentions. Over the years, they come up with more techniques, trademark remarks, punishments or tricks to make kids learn. Some stick to fear in varied forms. Expertise in a subject is one thing, understanding learning is another.

Exams

It is not what a teacher thinks the kids know. It is what the kids know. This is where exams come, to establish learning has happened. Students do everything to pass exams. Under pressure, we tend to fake. Exam is not a guarantee of learning. We know that from friends who were bright yet failed or those who passed but didn’t grasp basics. Like a driver’s license gives permission to drive but doesn’t guarantee that you will be not be rash.

At school, homework is evaluated to ensure that you have practiced. But how should we practice? I have never been into a discussion which talks about how to practice. Although, countless times I have been asked my rank, grades and marks.

Learning

The assumptions related to why and how to learn go unchallenged.  Each one of us, carves an individual style. We figure out what works for us and what doesn’t. However, we continue to believe in techniques that work for all.

The problem is that common techniques do not help everyone. Attention to individuals is considered a burden. Do you know at least one person who paces up and down while preparing for exams? Or the one who switches off all the light except the table lamp?

It is convenient to make the whole group learn in the same way. No doubt, this fails quite so often. Then we resort to seeding fear. Fear of punishment, failure, shame, underachievement and ridicule. Fear may make kids practice and score marks. It does not foster curiosity and makes dangerous associates. Like school with punishment, failure with ridicule and exams with anxiety.

Ganges at Varanasi

The Ganges

The Ganges starts ferociously. Plunging and rushing through the narrow valleys and gorges, it lets nothing come in its way. It slowly and steadily erodes the rocks. Oblivious to what lies ahead, it moves unfazed about the destination. The vigor is fascinating to watch but intimidating to handle. It doesn’t fear obstacles. This is youth.

In its middle course, the river is slow, calm and muddy with the burden that came along with youth. It grows wider and deeper. At certain places, one bank cannot see the other. Growing in capacity, it is slower in changing directions. Through the meanders it continues to set a path. It is predictable and patient for those who rely on it.

Finally, in the lower course, the river loses its jest. It leaves all that it accumulated and dumps it in the delta. Water flows into the sea, carrying no hint of its source, losing identity.

Sky

Inquiry and Religion

It will cease to be an inquiry if answers are accepted without a challenge. Learning is to see “what is” against perception. We build analogies to compare the unknown. We get restless upon seeing something new. With haste we put a name to it. A tag that helps us bring it within our realm of knowledge. When a person doesn’t behave as we expected, that behavior is outside that realm. We struggle to accept it without reason.

Then how do we proceed without naming things? We must know what is it that we are looking at. We are scared of the dark, afraid of walking ahead. At home, the most familiar place, we can move around with eyes closed. The same goes for other senses.

When we meet a new person, the same feeling creeps in. Unable to know about him/her, we make assumptions. What holds us back from knowing a person? Lack of interest, opinions, fear of an unpleasant experience. We assume that we can know a person by their appearance or opinions that others hold of them. This gets in our way. We look but do not see. We blur our vision with the prejudices to avoid making mistakes, emotional or otherwise. To avoid attachments that may not be mutual. Yet, all this is not part of the person. It is us.

Inspiration

Perils of Inspiration

Inspiration comes in many forms, the degree of which varies. When a person inspires us, there is a want to become like that. Also, there is a doubt that we may not be as inspirational.

This sets a bar. We constantly compare. Out of those who try, few persist, fewer succeed. The focus is driven by wanting to do something. The result is means everything. People get restless with slow progress and seek instant accomplishment.

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